Well, just recently when I really felt like I was in a good place with my older girls, my 7 year old informed that "Being 7 years old is much harder than being 6 years old". I was a little caught off guard by this statement, but then it hit me. Just like being a mom of 6 is such a new experience for me, a venture I have never encountered before, so is being 7 years old for Aidann. She went on to tell me how sometimes she "feels lonely". Again, quick pause. We live in a house full of 8 people. I mean built in playmates 24/7 & there is always something new & exciting going on. So, I asked her to elaborate. She went on to say "at this time in her life (yeah...7 going on 20) she feels like her love cup gets lower quicker & she would just like more 1 on 1 time with us. She feels like she has been getting in trouble more & she has so much to work on with herself it feels overwhelming at times". At first I wanted to go check her birth certificate to verify she is in fact only 7 years old & then I actually felt a lil' offended for a very brief second. I mean, I think my husband & I do a pretty good job giving each kid a lot of 1 on 1 time with the already limited time we have. It almost hurt my heart a lil' to hear her say all this. But then I pushed my personal feelings aside & realized that she has probably been feeling a lot more things lately too, new things. She now is struggling a lil' with wanting more independence, but learning this also does not mean you can necessarily do whatever you want-get whatever you want-when you want. She is starting to find the new balance with communicating all these new feelings & desires while still maintaining a respectful attitude towards her siblings & parents. And just a lot of good stuff.
So, I asked her for some ideas on what she thought we could do about all of this? We brainstormed together & eventually decided that once a week she can stay up an extra hour. She could use this time to do something independently, with myself, or with her dad. We also decided to go down to the store where she could select her very on diary. She has her school one, but this new one would just been another avenue for her to express how she is feeling, new experiences she has, a good scripture she finds in the Bible during reading time, a place for a few scribbles or whatever. We also decided that all the front pages would be hers & all of the back pages would be mine or her dads to write back to her. Sometimes this will entail responding to her previous writings or just leaving her some uplifting words to let her know how great she is doing. Aidy beamed at the thought of this idea especially. We also put a few more special one on one dates with her on the calendar to have with her dad or I. As a family we also started a jar where we can anonymously put notes when we catch someone in the act of putting someone above themselves or something else from their heart. This I thought would be an awesome tool to help combat the stages children go through when they may feel like they are constantly "messing up" & getting a lil' more correction than normal. This month our papers are shaped like apples. The last step I want to do for her is put a special chair in the ladies' room where she (or her sisters) can go to relax when they need to compose themselves for a moment or if they just need a little time alone where they can write in their journal, read a book, or just listen to music alone for awhile. Maybe add a special sign they can put on the door to respectfully inform their siblings that they just would like a minute to themselves.
Its been a week or so & I can already see such huge improvements & renewed joy in our big hearted blondie. I swear, the journey of parenting is an elephant. You just have to take on each new challenge/hurdle one bite at a time, otherwise you are sure to get overwhelmed. If the first solution you have tried does not work, don't let yourself get defeated, just try something else. Seek wisdom. Nip the lil' things in the bud while they are small. Encourage your children to communicate with you, let them know that it is a "safe place" to express how they are feeling (respectfully always) or something they may have done. Make the effort to stay on the same page with your spouse & keep each other in the loop about the different things your children are working through no matter how small. Since my husband is gone multiple days in a row for work we have to really make that extra effort sometimes to do this, whether it be stopping right away to make that phone call to him or leaving myself a note to talk to my husband about it when he gets back home so I do not forget. Each child is so important & the things they go through may not always seem like a big deal to us, but it often seems so huge to them, Showing them that you truly care & are willing to take the time speaks volumes.
-M&M Momma
A friend recommended this: A journal for girls and moms
