Mud Pies & Minivans: Learning 2 Understand the 2 Kinds of "Mine"...

I've been so inspired to write lately, but with the busyness of life I have just not been able to sit still long enough to get any of it out. But here I am now, movie/game night has concluded & the kiddos are successfully in bed AND asleep. So, I'm going to try & get out a lil' something before my pump calls me in 30 minutes (pump life...ugh).

When thinking about toddlers & their "terrific two's and three's", "Mine" & "No" are often their favorite words to use. They are usually accompanied by a lil' attitude & whining, maybe even a child throwing themselves down to the floor when they don't get their way. But today I want to focus on the word "Mine", there are actually 2 different intentions that can be associated with this word for a toddlers believe it or not, as parents it is very important that we learn the difference. Yes, the most common intention behind this word for a toddler is wanting everything for themselves & not wanting to share with anyone. Its their way or the highway (or so they think!). But as I have added...and added...and added more kiddos to our pack, I have noticed that their is a different kind of "mine". Fortunately, I got this revelation pretty early on with Ashy.

When she reached 2 1/2 years old & her 2nd lil' sister had arrived, she suddenly started using the word "mine" more & more often. Lets say I gave her a new pair of shoes, she would state "Mine, not Aidann's". I would give her a popsicle & she would ask "Just mine?". At first I was thinking, "Here we go, she is just going through a phase where she doesn't want to share with anyone & just wants it all to herself". But as I began to pay more attention (especially because this new thing was so unlike her), I noticed it was a lot deeper than that. Ashy was on a level trying to find her new spot in the family. Now she was a big sister to 2 & also a little sister in the group, but she was also looking for her identity & importance as an individual as well.

So, instead of forcing her to share every time, I would make sure she had those times of playing & enjoying things by herself (very therapeutic), but also nurture times were she would play with her sisters where she would need to learn to share, discover the meaning of compromising, & getting along with others. I would also purpose to encourage & praise her individuality, the way she didn't always just copy what her sisters said or what her sisters liked but would instead choose to formulate her own thoughts, feelings, & likes/dislikes. I also made sure to give her special 1 on 1 time with me or with her father when we could to help solidify for her just how special & important she was to us both as an individual & to our whole team. I would use her help when I could to complete "big girl tasks", this helped her to feel capable & helpful as she would grab diapers for the baby, help with dinner, & so forth.

After a few weeks of searching & adjusting, I noticed a certain "peace" & "satisfaction" come over Asher. There was no jealousy in her towards the new baby or her other sisters, she was very happy to share with others, she wasn't attention starved, & was just overall very happy & pleased with herself & life. I am very thankful I discovered the different intentions behind "mine" early on, because I definitely believe it was a pivotal time in Asher's development.

So, the next time your child says mine, just give your parental intuition a quick check to feel out your child's intentions behind the word.

-M&M Momma