Mud Pies & Minivans: It is Possible!

Once people learn that I have 4 children under 4 years old, the question that usually follows is, "How do you do it?".

In response, if I had to sum it up I would say consistency, teamwork, organization, preparation, patience, creativity, love, discipline & of course, my faith. Effective parenting is, by far, the hardest job, in my opinion. You are responsible for guiding, molding & shaping a future member of our society--Again, no pressure. Yes, raising kids can be challenging. For 1 thing, no 2 children are alike; therefore, something that works really well for 1 kid, might not be as effective for the next. No doubt, parenting is challenging and a great responsibility, but it is also a great privilege, honor, and opportunity that can be highly rewarding and fun. It is a constant learning process that sometimes requires reaching out to others for advice, doing research on our own, & always being patient with your kids.

Kids need & desire structure, & true & clear boundaries. Therefore, I cannot stress enough how SUPER important consistency is! Kids are not stupid, they sense weakness & they will test - sometimes over & over & over & over again. So when we establish boundaries, we must hold strong to them, period. If we make a promise, we have to keep it no matter how difficult it may be at times. Our word needs to be "as good as gold" otherwise we are not only robbing ourselves, but our lil' ones as well. For example, I was busy "pumping" & Austin started messing with something she was not supposed to. I gave her a verbal warning, telling her to stop & go play with her sisters. She stopped to look at me & then looked at the pump & got a very mischievous look on her face, almost as if to say, "I dare you to get off that pump, you won't do it". She then went right back to messing with the very item I had just told her to stop touching. Milk or no milk, I got off that pump so fast. The look of utter shock on her face was priceless, but I was not going to go back on my word.

We also have to keep our promise on the other end of the spectrum. If you tell your child you are going to play with them in a minute or go somewhere, you must make sure you keep your word. Our kids must find us to be reliable. So if you are not sure you can make something happen, don't promise it. Your child needs to value your word & respect you. But how can they if they never know if you "truly" mean what you say or not?

Teamwork is so important because without unity, you are not going to create a stable foundation for your family. I wrote about this recently in the "What's going to work? Teamwork" post & I cannot emphasize it enough. Raising kids is not a competition between parents, to fight for which parent the kids are going to like best, but it is supposed to be a team venture, where you present a united front for your children - something they can't tear apart or divide but rather something they can count on.

Preparation is very important with multiple kids. If you have the time to set up & prepare for something in advance, do it? You have to think ahead. I love to set out outfits the night before when all is calm and I am not preoccupied with anything else. Packing diaper bags & having snacks ready in advance are also great time savers. When you know you are going to be out & about during the day you have to pack for the inevitable unexpected - making sure you take things like water, snacks, extra outfits, back up diapers & panties, bibs, a Tide-To-Go pen, sanitizing wipes, changing pad, a potty chair in your car, etc. These items are always nice to have so you never get caught in a crazy situation. If you have kids then you know some interesting stuff can "go down" - stuff you would have never expected. I have changed some diapers in the most interesting places & I have done some pretty creative "mommy problem-solving" that I personally think I deserve a gold medal for - lol. Oh, & always plan to leave 30 minutes before you really need to leave - that means starting to get ready a half hour before you think you need to start getting ready. I will guarantee you, there will be days when a kid is going to have to go poop right as you are heading for the door or spill something all over their outfit. Kids are kids & they definitely do not think or plan ahead like we adults do.

Organization around the house is essential, otherwise, you are going to get eaten alive! Everything needs to have a place AND it is important that everyone knows where those places are. My 18 month old already knows where her shoes go when she takes them off, where to put her dirty clothes, which shelves hold which toys & books, where dishes go once she is done eating, & so forth. Its never too early to start & even though you are "super mom", you do not need to do everything. Your kids can help (& want to help)! I personally have found that having separate containers & shelves for toys is a lot more helpful than just tossing everything in a toy chest. The pieces stay together better & it is easier for the child to find the pieces, thus getting full enjoyment from the toy or toy set. And also if on a particular day you want the child (or children) to play with just 1 particular set of toy (ex. Barbie stuff or dinosaurs), it easier for them to clean up by themselves.

If you hadn't noticed, I love girl clothes & accessories! Now having 4 kids & multiple sizes of everything would be a huge mess if I did not have, for instance, a separate large under-the-bed bin for each kid's shoes; designated parts of the closets & drawers for each child's various clothing items; a container for hair clips & headbands & bow holders; sock bins; legging bins & so forth. Quite frankly, I could not imagine functioning without such strict organization. You will find 4 hours to get everyone ready turning into maybe 1 hour or 1 1/2 on a "bad day".

Patience is a HUGE thing with multiple kids (& when it comes to kids, in general). So often, as parents, we get put into situations where we absolutely want to scream our heads off, & on a level, we probably have every right to, but it is not the best thing in the long run, nor is it the most effective strategy. With kids, on a daily basis, you are going to have to repeat yourself numerous times & constantly remind the kids of things, even though it can be annoying, frustrating, & tiring. Kids are just learning & we are here to teach them & gently guide their success. Kids learn through repetition and by doing. Their brains are still developing & their memory is often short-term. They are not capable of always thinking things through completely before doing them. For example, the child could have just gotten in trouble for something & then get right back into it less than 5 minutes later! Nonetheless, you must "stick to your guns" & let them know that is not okay - make sure you keep calm about it & don't act out in anger. Train up a child. This takes much time and much patience.

Keep in mind, patience speaks volumes to kids. In situations like when they are learning something new (i.e. tying their shoes, counting, sitting quietly, etc), they can sense if you are frustrated with them & it can stunt their progress. But when they see you are being patience with them, they tend to be more confident in themselves & feel more capable, mastering the task quicker.

Finally, another BIG one is to keep your patience when a child has an accident, such as spilling their milk or something similiar. Or if they don't do something right, fail, or make a mistake. If you get upset & explode on them (especially when they do it unintentionally), not only will they become anxious, you are going to start seeing them "beat themselves up" for their mistakes, shortcomings, and failures. You are teaching them that it is not okay to make mistakes and/or fail, but rather, they must be perfect. Kids, at a young age, have to realize that nobody is perfect and that mistakes & accidents happen to all of us. When they are taught this, they will tend to be more open & honest about these things with you, especially knowing you are going to react calmly & with understanding, helping them through.

Creativity is, oh so, important because childhood is, not only, a time of wonder, discovery & adventure, it is supposed to be FUN! Being willing to do activities that are a lil' more unconventional & sometimes a lil' messy is going to help in nurturing happy, imaginative, healthy lil' kiddos with memories that are going to last them a lifetime!!!

Love. You can't assume your kids just know you love them, but you have to make sure you show them each and every day, at every opportunity. Love goes beyond just saying it. Just being willing to take the time to listen to your child & spend time with them, speaks volumes. The laundry can wait (laundry will always be there, kids won't). Showing your child how special and important they are by consciously & wholeheartedly listening to what they are saying and/or sitting with them on the floor actively playing with them, communicates to them that they are priority. It is priceless & they will not take it for granted. I teach my kids using the term "love cup". From a very young age when they hug me, kiss me, or say sweet words, I say to them, "Wow, you are filling up my love cup!". When I hug, kiss, or tell them nice things, I say, "I am going to fill up your love cup". Now that they are older, they will come up to me on their own & let me know when they need a lil' extra love or attention, because I have already taught them what that means from a young age.

Discipline & love kind of coincide. Whatever methods of discipline you choose to use is totally up to you, but I can't emphasize enough that you have to "check your anger at the door" & make sure it is all in love. Even if that means "pushing a pause" on the discipline so you can go in your room & get yourself composed first. We should want our kids to obey because they respect us & NOT because they fear us.

If you incorporate these things at home, then you are going to make things a lot easier on yourself when you take the troops out into public. Restaurant visits, grocery shopping missions, & so forth, do not have to be horrific & dreaded expeditions. Just take a deep breath & know it is possible. Kids are not perfect, but it is important to hold them to high expectations. You get out what you put in. You can't laugh & think its cute when your kid gives you "an attitude face" or runs away when you tell them to "Come here". High expectations, consistency, and definite & clear boundaries are good and necessary components when raising children, and, in the long run, your children are going to appreciate that you had them in place. Yes, consistency, teamwork, organization, preparation, patience, creativity, love, discipline, That is how I "do it". And I will be the first to tell you, not everyday is just "roses & perfection", but the "good" days FAR FAR FAR outweigh any of the more challenging days. Everyday is a gift. I love it!

-M&M Momma