While they are young is the ideal time to start teaching your kiddos productive problem solving skills that will not only make family interactions run more smoothly, but their interactions with other kiddos outside of the home more positive & friendly as well.
So, lets start with older siblings' interactions with the baby. Babies just love to grab "the favorite toy" of their older sibling, pull hair, knock that block tower over they have been working on for hours, steal their food, & etc. Babies are just at the beginning of being trained up, so they just happen to do a lot of "busy things" that are definitely going to push their older brother or sister's buttons. It is very important that while training the baby what is right or wrong, we also explain to the older sibling that they play a very important part in this training process as well. It's going to take a lot of their help & patience work through this stage with baby. Getting frustrated at the baby, whining, screaming, and etc are not the best ways for the older bro or sis to solve a problem they may be having with the little one.
We can give them "tools" to use in the various situations that may arise to help make things run just a lil' more smoothly & not erupt into a possible WW3 with tears & screaming from everyone involved. For example, if the baby takes a toy away from them, what could they do? I teach my girls to practice using their words to ask their brother to give it back (even if Baby Z doesn't technically understand words yet, its good to practice for when he will) & then gently take the toy back & get the baby something else to play with. If baby continues to take their things they can try resolving the problem by moving to a different area to play, trying to include the baby in their play (if not a choking hazard) or get mom or dad to help. If their younger sibling tries snatching their food away from them, they should use their words & say "Please don't" & take it back gently. When it comes to hitting, biting, hair pulling, & etc those are situations they can use their words (not hands) to tell the baby "No", but in times like these dad or mom definitely need to be notified immediately because those types of actions are not tolerated in our family at all!
On to interactions between older siblings. My husband & I definitely train our kids that unless it is a dangerous situation where someone is doing something dangerous or they are hurt, it is their responsibility to try & resolve the problem on their own first & foremost. I mean, we have 5 children, I can only imagine how crazy our day would be if we had to step in absolutely every single time they were having a problem with each other!?! Here we have also given them problem solving skills to try & resolve problems before asking an adult to step in.
One of the tools that I cannot emphasize enough is "using your words". So many problems stem from a lack of communication. Maybe they didn't know you were playing with that toy first, maybe they had no idea their words had hurt your feelings & made you feel a lil' bit sad, maybe that "push" you thought just happened was by total accident. Its amazing how much just choosing to open up your mouth & speak in a positive manner can really solve!
Taking turns/sharing/compromise are also other helpful tools we have tried to teach our children to use when a conflict arises. If 1 child is using a toy that another child wants to play with, the first step in trying to solve the problem would be to ask if they may use it next. If it seems like a particular toy is in high demand, it may require a parent setting a time limit on the toy so that everyone gets a chance to play with it eventually. If the toy is something that more than 1 child can play with at the same time, sharing is definitely a route we encourage our kiddos to take. If a child is having a hard time sharing with their other siblings, empathy is a great way to help them understand why sharing is such an important tool. How would they feel if someone left them out & didn't want to share with them?
Sometimes when kiddos are having a harder time solving problems together on their own, having them sit in a room together minus any distractions to talk for a few minutes is very helpful! After a few have passed, ask your kiddos what conclusion/compromise they have come to.
I think the biggest time in the past I have overheard "I'm going to tell mom" is when one sister catches another sister doing something or saying something they are not allowed to. I don't know if its just because they enjoying being the cop, the child not in trouble, or what? But they seem to be so quick to tell on each other, but hate it sooo much when its being done back to them. We continue to teach our children that they are their siblings' keepers. They need to be there for each other to encourage each other to make right decisions & protect each other. If it is not a dangerous situation where someone is about to get potentially hurt, then I have taught them to first try to guide their sibling back to the right choice with their words before resorting to telling on them. For example, the girls are not allowed to get into their dresser or their closet. I spend hours organizing clothes for 4 ladies by size & the last thing I want is those mini fashionistas getting into everything & making up thousands of new stylish ensembles without mommy's guidance-that would just be a huge mess. Anyway, the youngest 2 ladies are often tempted to go into the walk-in closet at bedtime especially to see what treasures lay within. My youngest 2 definitely look up to their big sisters, so I have taught them that if Addie & Aussie start to try to get into the closet or dresser, their first strategy to try to solve the problem is to tell their sisters "I don't think you should be going in there. You should get back into bed instead". Usually the lil' ones will heed their siblings warning, but those few times they don't the older girls are going to have to get mom or dad to handle the situation.
If you have multiple kiddos, then tattling is definitely something you are going to encounter. I encourage you to start teaching your "minis" in these early years that while some tattling is necessary, other situations can easily be solved if they would just try to use different tools first to solve the problem! Our kiddos have definitely gotten a whole lot better at being their own referees & just calling in back up when absolutely necessary. This will definitely make for happier siblings, friends, & mommies & daddies!
-M&M Momma
 |
| Swimming fun! |
No comments:
Post a Comment