Mud Pies & Minivans: Who's the Boss?

So this weekend I was privileged enough to get to experience Disney Princesses on Ice with my own lil' princesses (Aidann & Asher) & my real life Prince Charming, Jay. It was the most wonderful & whimsical world where lil' girls could get all dressed up head to toe as princesses, with each popcorn purchase you also received your very own golden crown, & every Disney princess or prince you could imagine was live in action for each child's enjoyment! Well, aside from this mostly joyful atmosphere, it also brought out a lot of non-princess-like behavior!!! Jay & I were shocked to see some lil' girls beg & scream for more & more overpriced novelty items. 1 lil' girl's new crown wouldn't sit on her head right & she puffed out her lil' lip as she hurled it into the ground. The mom frantically tried to resolve the situation, "Please just hold it for a second & I'll try to fix it as soon as I can". The child, a clear stranger to the word "patience", threw it down once again as she began to stomp her feet. The mom continued to beg her to just behave for a lil' while longer until she could find their seats. After the program we were making our way back to our vehicle when we saw another lil' girl throw herself on the ground right there on the sidewalk because she didn't want to smile for the picture her mother was trying to take. The mom literally just shrugged it off & continued taking the pictures while her child lay there kicking & screaming, princess dress & all!

The other day when we were at Gymboree a mom & her son came into class a lil' late. From the moment they stepped onto the mat it was more than evident who the real boss was out of the 2 of them... Every time the teacher would ask him to do anything he would whine, cross his arms, & run off. "He's just having a bad day", the mom would excuse it off over & over again. She would try to tell him to do this or that, but she did it in such a way that it more like she was asking him & not TELLING him. He knew just what he was doing & how hard he could push/test her. After at least 10 minutes of seamless fit throwing & harmonious whining his mom finally threw in the towel & picked him up to leave. The kid did not like this very much & then proceed to slap his mom right across her face!?! He may have been only 2, but man he hit her hard. She calmly grabbed his hand & simply said, "No, no we don't hit." & out the door he screamed. Wow...

Now, I am sure not all kids are to this extreme, but as parents we need to stop & take a good look at who the boss really is, the kid(s) or us? How we communicate to our kids & about our kids is a huge key in parenting success or failure. The main fault I have observed is when parents communicate to their children in more of a pleading manner rather than done in authority (no "ifs" "ands" or "buts"). Almost as if when they make a request of their children, it seems like more of an option than a demand. If you ask your child to do something, it should not be an option to follow only if they feel like it. We also have to stay faithful to follow through with the consequences EVERY TIME if they choose not to obey right away. People observing from the outside don't care if "They're tired", "They are having a bad day", or any of those other excuses we are far to quick to fall back on. In the "real world" they are going to be forced to overcome, so we need to start teaching them that now. "I understand you are tired, but you need to use your words because we don't whine". You have to let your child know that while you understand how they are feeling or what they are battling with, they still need to make good choices & behave properly. We can raise stronger children who rely on excuse far less.

I have to also note a fantastic example I saw of parenting at my friend's daughter's 2nd birthday party recently. It was time for the pinata & they were getting everything ready when the birthday girl started throwing a lil' tantrum. I am sure she was starting to get tired. she was the birthday girl, and it had been a very long day. But the mom didn't let those potential excuses justify her wrong behavior. She immediately took the actions to correct her. I have to say I was extremely impressed. The lil' girl then readjusted her behavior because her mom showed & explained to her how it was unacceptable. We don't give our kids enough credit. They are very smart & just as much capable of behaving well as they are at behaving badly. They are only going to "perform" to the level of expectations you set for them. So, why not set the bar a lil' higher & realize they can be well mannered, happy, & obedient lil' kiddos!

-M&M Momma