Thursday, October 18, 2012

Worst Mommy EVER!

I don't know if any of you have ever felt this way before, but if you have then that is the 1st sign that you are NOT the worst mommy ever-You actually care! I hate to break it to you, but no matter how hard you try at this mom thing, if you are looking for it, there is always going to be something you wish you would have done better or differently. Parenting is a learning process & along the way we are going to have to adjust different things. The idea of a "super mommy" is just not so. You just can't be everywhere all of the time & do everything that may need to get done.

Am I telling you this to say we should all just throw in the towel & give up? Absolutely not. I am actually stating these things to encourage you! I want you to know that you are not alone & a lot of the mommies out there are wondering the very same thing about you, "How does she do it!?". We simply need to readjust our ideas of what the so called "perfect mommy" is & understand that not every day is going to be absolutely perfect ("off days" happen to everyone). Laundry & dishes can pile up on even the best of us. Sometimes cooking a nice hot dinner & getting it all set out on time on time is just not going to happen. There will be times that the house is an absolute mess & you just don't know where to begin! Maybe you feel like you've been so busy with life that special time with  your kids or hubby is lacking. You might have days when you just can't imagine what else could possibly go wrong  & you want to pull out your hair, cry, scream, want to just quit, or go back to bed & start the day all over again. Every mommy is going to experience not feeling good enough at 1 point or another. I am here to say that it's not just you & it's just not true! You are a great mommy & you need to give yourself more props for trying so hard!!! You can do it!

I pump a lot for my youngest & so sometimes I find myself up at the most random hours of the night (aka morning) & one time I had the television on & happened upon "NickMom". I guess the channel Nick transforms into this late at night. Well, there were a bunch of mommy comedians on, they were hilarious, & 1 of the mommies was saying, "I wear yoga pants 99% of the time, yet I have never participated in yoga". If that is not the truth, I just do not know what is. A sloppy bun on the head, next to no make-up, yoga pants & a baggy shirt on, sporting spit up on 1 shoulder & sneakers on the feet, is almost the mandatory uniform for a mommy lol. We put so much time & effort into everyone else & everything else that sometimes we put ourselves on the back burner. Sometimes we are so worn out & burning the candle on both ends but still beat ourselves up because we feel guilty that we are not capable of doing more.

I think as mommies we have to first of all STOP & give ourselves a pat on the back for the things we are getting accomplished & doing right. Pity parties are not going to produce change or anything else positive for our lives. Also, I want to let mommies know that it is okay to ask for help. That does not make you a '"failure", it makes you real. Sometimes you may be going through a rough stage with 1 of your children & have no idea how to handle it, seek help. You might need a lil' "me time" to relax/recuperate, a date with the hubby, or a ladies night out where you can have a conversation with someone above 6, ask for it & don't feel guilty! Maybe your house has gotten to the point of "no return" & you just don't know how to get it back to manageable, ask for help (family, fellow mommies, other friends, etc). You may need to put down your pride & have a talk with your significant other. Maybe you feel like the expectations he has of you are unrealistic & you might have to ask him to lend a lil' more of a hand, this does not make you a "loser".  Hopefully, he will come out respecting you more for it & if not maybe he needs a day of walking in your shoes. I am not trying to be mean, just trying to be real.

I remember when my husband & I were still practically newlyweds, married only about 10 months, & our honeymoon baby had just been born. My husband would tell me that I was only "allowed" to spend $50 on groceries. Yes, I typed that correctly-FIFTY dollars!!!! Now our baby was a lil' premature so the doctors were very focused on her gaining weight & so we were supplementing with formula. That $50 grocery bill was including purchasing formula!!! If you have ever bought formula then you know that half of my budget was spent right there. I am telling you, I would hunt down those sales & get as creative as possible, but that budget still was just not cutting it!!! It was nearly impossible to meet this unrealistic expectation my husband had set & it started getting to the point I was way stressed out! Now, before I continue on, I definitely want to point out that my husband was not coming from a bad place. He had never really experienced being "out in the trenches" & how expensive living can be. We got married while I was still in college & he had just finished up school & the fire academy, cans of raviolis were this guys best friend & those are pennies. So, I just want to make it known that he was coming from an innocent place. Well, finally it got to the point where I had to put my pride down & let my husband know how I was feeling. He told me he would increase my budget to $75 & I said, "No, let's go shopping together". I took my husband on a grocery store run with me & it was amazing to see how he reacted to some of those price tags. After everything was said & done I will never forget what my husband did next, he grabbed me gently by my shoulders & looked me squarely in the face & said with all sincerity "I am so sorry, I had no idea". It was right then that I felt this huge weight lift off of my shoulders.

You see, sometimes the members of our family honestly do not know how hard something is until they walk in your shoes. Even looking after 4 kiddos that are 4 years old & under, you can think it might be a lil' bit of work, but you can never truly know until you have lived it (Don't get me wrong here, I love it & would never ever change it!). I know that personally since I have become a parent, I have a whole new appreciation & understanding of my mother, father, & our childhood. I thought  groceries magically appeared in the cupboards, had no idea my parents actually had to pay for all the lessons I took growing up, I want to tell the kid version of myself, "How dare you complain when you were asked to help out with lil' things around the house from time to time", & now I understand why my mom would get so frustrated when I would stretch out the necks of my shirts (clothes aren't cheap).

So mommies, take a deep breath & change your focus. Look at the things you have done right, the things you do get accomplished from day to day, & keep striving to make tomorrow even better. Also keep in mind that life is short & childhood is only a blink of an eye, prioritize what/who matters most 1st! There are no "do-overs". :)

Plus, if we were "perfect" then we would not need Him!

-M&M Momma

Playing in their tent, lol


Aidy's tent creation!

They invented their
own "Tangled" hair ha ha

Ready 4 dance

"Banana Store" run

Their selections to purchase
with their birthday "Red Store" gift cards!
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